Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize