don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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