Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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