I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize