I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm too high and old for this...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
