Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
