it glows. i had to have it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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