he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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