So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
