I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
