This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
