Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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