Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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