I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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