I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
