If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
