Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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