Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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