So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
