I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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