just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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