is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
