She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
