just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
