I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
