Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
