Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
