Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My vagina is officially offended.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
