im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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