More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
