I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
