OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
