If i come over, it means nothing
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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