All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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