Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
