I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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