I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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