2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
