How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His nipple licking is glorious
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
