i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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