Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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