Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
