I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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