sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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