I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Randomize
