I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
