I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize