if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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