Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
