If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
