end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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