What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
