the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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