rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
