At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
