Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
