he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
