I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize