I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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