oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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