you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
