If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
