Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
