I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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