I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
