We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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