their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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