Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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