I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
