he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
