i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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