my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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