Someone shit on the floor
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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